Last November 16 was my 21st birthday. It means I'm in adulthood line. Well, I can't call myself now a teenager anymore. Age 21 is the point or the beginning of having a new world leaving the world of being young boy or teenager. I just want to say "Goodbye My Youth Years". We expected guys at this age will become more consistent in terms of its actions, hobbies, likes, interests, plans, romance, maturity as well as will become more confident and strong of facing big obligations, difficulties and responsibilities.

Hopefully and someday I'll become more matured anough. Hehehe!!! Still I'm not ready to face big big big obligations and responsibilities for my family. As well as for myself. And I'm always facing difficulties which make me sick. *Sob... sob...*

Anyways, I just celebrated by birthday in a simple way. We're just busy people as of now at the same time Mom and Dad had not enough budget for big time celebration. I understand them and even though it's simple, for me it's very special. I'm thankful because Lord God gave me an opportunity to have more birthdays to celebrate. I'm still blessed though I'm experiencing daily problems because I have my family who still supporting me, understanding me and loving me.

Being emotional really distracts my days. I didn't know why it always triggering me. In fact, I did my best to be calm and hold myself. But when this attitude always comes out, I can't hold it. That's why depressions and loneliness cover me and when I want to give up, my eyes shed tears on my cheeks.

My feelings sometimes very sensitive, though we know a true man don't act like the way I am. That's not true! A real man sometimes shows sensitivity as well as they cry but they don't show it in public unless to the close people or person, I know you know the reason behind of it. When I get hurt, I hold it for a moment. But when I feel it's too much, I didn't talk but I'll just walk out. Just to show them I am mad.

Why I'm so lame?! My mind always playing and flying anywhere. I can't concentrate and focus myself to the things I want to do. I am always mixed with different emotions... I'm happy, sad, mad, cuddly, stupid etc. blah blah blah. It might be the symptoms of going crazy?! Maybe I'm just confused.

I love everybody! Those people who shows true love, true care and true sincerity. But my attention is always focusing to one person.

I have no any idea behind the beautiful pictures of every single day. The feelings of being comfortable sometimes exchange into despair. Doubts and insecurities touch my mind and my heart, the negative sights whirling on my head. The heat of anger and unrecognizable pain grab my soul. The revelation of lies makes me sick. The pretending motivation kills me.

The things between us are getting rough. The pure light turns to gray. The blessed harmony became poisonous and deadly. What now?!

Nobody can cure my wounds but maybe can touch my heart. I lift up to Lord God my corrupted heart and soul. Forgive me for being voracious and my selfishness.I didn't mean to hurt anybody. Instead you blame me, hope you understand me.

Last July 15 (Sunday) I lost my handy bag. Inside of it are my precious things, means "Sentimental Value" of mine. These are my MP4 which my Daddy's graduation gift for me last May, black earphone Phillips which my earned money used to buy this stuff, my colored maroon notebook (my notes in CCNA), Mommy's umbrella, 2 Dong-A sign pens, my eyeglass case, and pocket tissue.

No marks of the crime. I have no any idea who's behind of this, especially the incident was happened in my room. Actually it's not my fault. I'm not a kind of person who are impetuous towards on my own things. I just put my handy bag on usual place, on my bed after use. It almost turned me crazy searching on it and thinking who will be the one who did this to me. Maybe a stupid ghost??? Such a lame idea. My parents, 2 brothers, my relatives and the housekeeper found not guilty. They help me to search my things when the time I was in panic.

As of now, I divulged and realized that those stuffs are really not for me. There are reasons and I know it's God's will. I hope who did this to me will realize that he/she really did a very bad mistake. I really trust people who are close to me especially my parents. And I believe in KARMA.

I lifted up to God all my problems and he's the one who knows what really happened to me on that day.

Last week we tried with my friend to expose ourselves in workouts. After, we went to MOA to continue my career as a photographer "feeling". I already received our hardbound of our documentation regarding our defense project "Spark and Flame Preventive Robot" from Gincos which should be already given to us last April, unfortunately their services are too sluggish. Anyways it's done and I already submitted it to our former library last Friday.

Last Thursday we watched the movie "Transformers" premiere with my Mom and baby bro Winston, what a nice movie to tell. The visual effects are so good and impressive especially the climax of the story, the battle between Optimus and Megatron. The Autobots like Bumble Bee is so cute and funny I like its attitude towards the guy and the girl. They are truly saviors of the earth unfortunately they've lost one of their members the one with the gallant car, defeated by Megatron. I forgot the name anyways I really enjoyed the movie.

Last Wednesday I'm fully paid for CCNA1, and yesterday was the start of our first meeting at MAPUA I.T. Center, Makati. We met Ms. Khaye, the name of the instructor who handles us. Currently she worked at Accenture as a trainer and her sideline is to teach CISCO at MAPUA. I hope we will learn so much from her, and I see her teaching ability is fine.

Oh no! I gained weight! Should I continue my workouts?! But I'm too lazy for that. After all I don't see any improvements, I just gained lots of pain on my body huhuhu... Think new ways how to remove this huge belly of mine. I want to gain abs not absdomen! Weeenx!!!